What’s New, Pussycat?

So I figured the new year provided a golden opportunity for me to further develop my blogging prowess. I mean, why not? I read books. I knit. I watch Lifetime. Why shouldn’t I have my own place to share my wit, my wisdom, my stories? Picture it: Sicily, 1914. A young girl—

Oh, but that’s right. I’m not an 85-year-old woman, despite a wardrobe and eHarmony profile that provide strong evidence to the contrary. It would be cute if this were your grandma blogging. But I don’t have grandkids, a hidden stash of peanut brittle, or questions about how to change the ribbon on the computer keyboard. I haven’t earned the right to sit at home on a Saturday night watching reruns of “The Golden Girls” and knitting an afghan. When I do this, it feels sad, contrived, and maybe as if I am trying to affect some sort of hipster irony, but failing miserably. But in all honesty, I just like this stuff. Which is, perhaps, most pathetic of all.

I want to be a Golden Girl, and not a popular one either. Sure it’s in vogue for even high school quarterbacks to hang the Betty White calendar in their lockers, but I’ve never felt like a Rose by another name. With my bookishness, sarcastic wit, and physique that makes it look like I’m wearing shoulder pads even when I’m not, I’ve always identified more with Dorothy, the Golden Girl who I, as a child, once mistook for a man in drag. I want to be the old lady whose sass is always somewhat eclipsed by her imposing nature. I want to be off-putting—just a little bit scary. Can I accomplish this at 23? And without the rich baritone to match? Probably not, which is why I’ve fashioned myself the Future Golden Girl. Someday I’ll make it.

Until then, here’s a blog about all my elderly interests: knitting, hot cups of tea, the sound Werther’s Originals make when slowly unwrapped during the most dramatic part of a movie… I think I’m off to a good start (loved ones and psychiatric professionals may disagree). So, for anyone out there reading this, enjoy. And thank you for being a friend.

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1 Comment

  1. Do you have any video of that? I’d love to find out some additional information.

    Reply

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